Overcome

even now the world is bleedin' but feelin' just fine all numb
in our castle where we're always free to choose never free enough
to find i wish somethin' would break cuz we're runnin' out of time

and i am overcome i am overcome holy water in my lungs i am overcome

these women in the street pullin' out their hair my master's
in the yard givin' light to the unaware this plastic little place
is just a step amongst the stairs

and i am overcome i am overcome baby holy water in my lungs i am overcome

so drive me out out to that open field turn the ignition off
and spin around your help is here but i'm parked in this open space
blockin' the gates of love

i am overcome i am overcome holy water in my lungs i am overcomed

beautiful drowning this beautiful drowning this holy water
this holy water is in my lungs

and i am overcome i am overcome i am overcome i am overcome

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Ironically I have not blogged for 3 years today. With good reason ... Since my last blog I have been pregnant 3 times, 1 miscarriage, 1 baby (Who is two) and 1 tubal pregnancy that had to ended with surgery, a horrible solution to someone as Prolife as myself. Anyway all of this said to show that my life has changed completely since my last entries and therefore my view of the world has changed. Oldly I always have this song stuck in my head but never really read the lyrics until tonight. Amazing that the feelings I had about the song, the times when I would hum it really fit the meaning of it. This is because I am rarely overcome with the mundane things in life, laundry, dishes, work, marriage. I am usually overcome by the massiveness of the lost. On so many levels. I know people always take "the lost" as an offensive statement. But it is not meant that way, it is simply a line in the sand separating those following God's will and those following their own.

This is why this line really struck me, "in our castle where we're always free to choose never free enough to find" , It's so true ... We are given free will but we don't even use it all that creatively. What do we do with it? We kill, we hurt, we act selfishly, we destroy, we steal, we cheat, we lie. We are stupid and most of all short sighted. I include myself in all of these statements. I am not immune to the sin factor. I feel something is about to break ... Cause we are running out of time. And I am overcome.

I pray that I am on the right side when things "break". And I pray you are too. But don't hold your candle under a bussel and don't let satan blow it out. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. After all what good would an eternity be in heaven if you were without those you love?

Amen

A hard days work

One thing that isn't so great about my job. The quiet. There is never anyone here. I have to keep myself motivated and busy so the day will pass relatively quickly. It is amazing how slow time can go when you have nothing to do. As stressful and annoying as co-workers can be, it would be nice to have someone in the office to joke with or just have a conversation about something random. That is one thing I have also learned about myself. I love to talk. Not on the phone, mind you. But just throwing around ideas or discussing topics. Much to my husband's dismay. You see he is not a talker. Funny though I think most men are like that. I have a friend who said the other day, "I was telling him what my options were and he just kept saying 'yep' or 'sure'". You know men sometimes "You are right hunny" is not the right thing to say. Sometimes we really aren't talking just to hear our own voice. Sometimes, just maybe, we want to have an all out con-ver-sa-tion with you. Imagine that we actually expect you to put a sentence together for us.

Then ironically I think of men I know that do enjoy talking ... And they annoy the crap out of me! So I guess God knew what he was doing when he put me with a non-talker. Take my brothers for example. I love them dearly and we could conversate for hours, days even, without so much as a pee break. But we also have the most explosive conversations. Which no doubt is due to the combination of our over analysing nature and the fact that we know we can say what we want and it's all gravy. So once again I come back to the realization that although I would love to have a deep, meaningful talk with my hubby I realize I could be biting off more than I can chew.

That's all for today!

Susan

Words of Wisdom

March 26
Words of Wisdom
A kind hearted woman gains respect
But ruthless men gain only wealth
A kind man benefits himself
But a cruel man brings trouble upon himself
Proverbs 11:16-17

I have always thought the biggest compliment that can ever be received by a woman is that she is "graceful". However "Kind" is pretty darn good too. One of my favorite things is to make people scratch their head at purity. There is so few women of virtue left in the world ... My challenge to all you ladies is to be one. Clean up that potty mouth ... we are raising a generation of slobs and sexually immoral kids. It is in our power to raise them to be respectable adults. Why do we scoff at this idea. It is possible and it is right!

Like a gold ring in a pigs snoot
is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
Proverbs 11:22

Susan

Try this on for size

The following is copied from my MSN Space.


March 24
Try this on for size.
I am just testing this out. I know from experience that people don't like to read about themselves on other peoples blogs. So I will keep it generic but people please don't be paranoid and read yourself into my entries. If you don't like it don't read it. And P.S. if I had something to say to you I would say it. I have however learned over the last couple years that it is not always nessesary to share my opinion. There is a certain amount of peace in keeping silent. I believe people will figure out the error of their ways on there own. And I have my own errors to work out.

There is a verse in the Bible about seeking out peace. Making it your goal in life. That is my goal this year and that is my prayer for all my friends and family. It is the one thing besides love that we could all work on and use more of. I think love and peace hold hands and strole on the beach in a happy life. The sun goes down on peace and love and they are smiling and comforted... The sun rises on peace and love and they smile and are energized.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and remember, heaven will come and hatred has no place in a happy heart.

Love you all.

Susan

Raining Blessings

March 25
Raining Blessings
20Looking at his disciples, he said: "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. 21Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. 22Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:20-22

I went for a walk tonight and had a talk with God. I have been in a rut for quite some time some may have noticed and others may not have. I am however done with excuses and I am tired of living life to about 45% of it's fullness. That is not what God wants for any of us. I have realized over the last couple days that I have also been angry with God. I was frustrated with his lack of cooperation for the direction i wanted my life to go in. The truth is I haven't even been walking on the right path so how can I say to God. "Why don't you give me what I want?"

Someone once said to me "Thank God for the heart ache because blessings are sure to follow." I am a control freak! And one of the hardest lessons in life I have had to learn is to let go and not know when the blessings will come. Sometimes they pour in like a water fall. Other times the come in seasons. The important thing is to love and trust God in the desert and in the rain. Amen
Lord God I am ready for the rain.

Susan

Where Have all the Cowboys Gone?

I was thinking of this song last night. You may remember it from back in like 95 or 96 by Paula Cole. Anyway I was sitting in the parking lot of the Dairy Queen watching the world as I enjoy to do. When I saw an old couple get slowly from their car and head for the door. Ahead of them were two younger people. One of the younger ladies opened the door for her friend but did not hold it for the elderly couple. And they were just a step from the door. Anyway it really struck me as odd. I have been noticing this as a trend lately. I remember after an instance with my car recently which involved another man's car and a bit of a fender bender. The man was less than understanding about the whole incident. It was my fault and I did own up to it and apologize but He continued to treat me as sub human while he inspected the damage. And just a few months ago a friend of mine got accosted at a gas station by an old man because apparently she didn't pull up to the correct pump. He called her names and ripped her up one side and down the other... And to what end? Why are people so uncaring. It is so easy for them to disconnect from each other. This "Who Cares" attitude is poison. After the man yelled at me I held strong until I drove away ... At which point I almost had another accident because I couldnt see through my tears. I wasn't crying because I was scared or angry that he yelled at me. I was deeply hurt by someone's ability to attack another human over some metal. All I can do is make a vow to treat people better but ... Man!!! I just can't understand where all the gentleman and ladies have gone? Girl's acting irresponsible and shameless... Boys acting with callous and violence. Anyway ... We need to raise better children people. Seriously. Treat that older person like they are YOUR grandparent. Treat that lady at the gas station like it is YOUR sister or mother. And just in general treat people the way you want to be treated. Everything if fixable. If Jesus can forgive people crucifying him, can't we forgive people for being human?

Just for fun!

1. FIRST NAME? Susan
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? First name ... No. Middle name is Amanda after my Grandmother.
WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Can't really recall... I guess I am due for a cry. I was close when I went to Jeff's grave through a week ago.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I have always hated it... That hit a nerve.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Not a meat fan.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I am friends with everyone ... so yeah!
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? You're looking at er.
8. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Addicted to it.
9. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yuppers
10. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Absolutely not!
11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Quaker Harvest Crunch
12. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope. But I should.
13. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I think I get strong and weak in intervals ... Right now I am okay but I have been both.
14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Chocolate Mint Chip
15. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their attitude
16. RED OR PINK? Pink
17. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I am inconsistant
18. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Being a teenager and talking and Laughing about boys with Terra.
19. DO YOU WANT ANYONE TO SEND THIS BACK? That question shall not be asked.
20. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I am wearing my green work pants and socks.
21. THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Graham waffer with Fluff on it.
22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of Silence.
23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Purple
24. FAVORITE SMELL? Satsuma from Body Shop.
25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Mom
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes. He didnt really send it I stole it from his Blog ... Thanks Mikey ... http://archangel-22.blogspot.com
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Depends Hot weather, a pina colada, Cold weather, Coffee or Hot Chocolate.
28. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Gymnastics and Triathalons
29. HAIR COLOUR? Dark Blonde.
30. EYE COLOUR? Blue
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Chinese
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scarily Happy endings
34. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Taledega Nights, The Ballad of Ricky Bobbi
35. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Orange
36. SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall
37. HUG OR KISSES? Hugs for sure
38. FAVORITE DESSERT? My mom's Blueberry Cheesecake
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Dunno
40. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Dunno
41.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Not much of a reader. That should go under things I dislike about myself.
42. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A wrist rest
43. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? The Office
44. FAVORITE SOUND? The rain when you're just falling asleep.
45. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? No Preference.
46. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Warren, Manitoba or Reading, Pennsylvania, honestly not sure which is further
47. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? January 4, 1980 at 11 am I think
48. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada.

That's all!

Three more days until VACATION!!!

I feel like I have been in a wonderful mood lately. Could it be the exercise, the vitamin B complex, who knows, but a factor is more than likely the upcoming vacation. Travis and I are planning on Putting Reilly in a kennel and heading out to Cape Breton for 5 days or so... Neither one of us has ever been. It should be amazing camping, biking, BBQing, canoeing, etc. I hope the weather is nice, however if it is not... This may be a great opportunity to actually get Travis in a Bed and Breakfast. (He thinks those things are for girls. And if he stays there, there is a strong likelyhood of contracting cooties) Anyway so I have been exercising with this in mind. I have to get my stamina up for the trip. I don't want to be an hour into a bike ride on the cabot trail and get to tired to enjoy the view. This has also made me think of what would happen to my life if I never took care of myself at all. They say you don't stop living because you die, you die because you stop living. I feel that way a lot. Like right after I got married, I exhaled. And in a strange way looked at life like it was done. Not in a negative way like "now I am married and it is all over." But just like I had accomplished what I saw for myself and that was it. I had no desire to set any new goals. That is a shame. I abandoned a lot of my friends and I really had no interest in making any new ones. I sheltered myself a lot without even realizing it. Until one day I woke up and realized that if something didn't change then I would have one dull life. I think this is at the point where a lot of people head for the big "D". Because they assume it is their partner who has made them that way or is keeping them in their slump. BUT you have to take ownership. I mean I got myself like that. For a while I did look hard at the marriage and think that it was to blame. Then I talked to Travis and realized that he was feeling the same way. (This is where communication would have helped, lol) Anyway and so together we decided that we wanted our life to be more than one dimensional. So every now and then we throw a new activity in the mix. Or we simply take a night out with a friend instead of a couple night. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. And there is a huge appreciation you get for your spouce when you see them in their element. Anyway this started out about vacation and went into marriage therapy really fast! But I think the number one marriage buster is ... Guilt! Guilt internalized about the feeling that the marriage maybe falling apart ... So you keep silent. Hoping it will pass. The problem is it doesn't and not voicing the concerns makes it impossible to fix the problem. Yeah yeah I know Doctor Phil. ing it to death. But you can't change what you don't acknowledge and if you keep the fear and doubt to yourself it festers until the feelings are almost beyond repair. At which point it is easier to say "Goodbye", then it is to say "Let's Try!".

Anyhow that's all for now. I am glad that my husband is so patient with me. He is constant and abiding. He is amazing. He puts up with all my theories and rantings and Loves me for me. I am Blessed. When I was in High school I used to say life was like a rollercoaster with ups and downs and I thought it would get better as an adult. Well life still has it's hills and valleys. Now I just have someone holding my hand for the ride.

Thanks Travis

The Value of Hard Work!

I am 26. And just starting out. In a way that is always true for me. You see I can not stick to anything. No seriously. I can't. I don't know if it is bordom or just a lack of self control. Anyway what brings me to this subject is that I have been exercising for the last two weeks, working hard and eating well, except for Saturday, which I have affectionately dubbed "I deserve it" Saturdays. I am understanding and respecting more and more as I get older the "Old People ways". It is like looking at an antique and not really even taking notice. Until... Someone takes the time to explain it's significance and then it is suddenly valued and appreciated. Amazing that is how I feel about traditions. For instance Sundays off. Some people recently have said to me ... What is the big deal. Well yes it is to go to church. However, more than that it is to put in to place a permanent reward for a week well done. I watch my father-in-law. He never sits down... He is always working away on something. If it's not his job, then he is fixing up the house. (Which by the way is already imaculate) Anyway, and I think wow he works so hard and it's true. But I remember sortly after my husband and I were married I asked my Father-in-law to hang up a mirror. He said sorry maybe monday. He refused to work on Sunday! It is not the thought of a devine bolt of lightning striking you down should you pick up a tool on the sabbath (or a deck of cards). And it is not the specific day (Sunday, I realize there is a debate on if that is the "true" sabbath or not ... However if you are debating that in your head right now then I am not doing well at making my point) It is the fact that If you work hard... I mean truely break a sweat during the week then that one day that you truely put down the hammer, so to speak, is just that much more enjoyable. And guilt free, you know that that is the day to fellowship and relax and you know that it is okay because you earned it. Perhaps those who are reading this right now are saying to themselves. "Duh, you're just figuring this out now?" But I am, and that is how life is. Strange.